Waves of grief

photo by Greg Lincoln

by Greg Lincoln

At some point in time in the future we have been told to anticipate a kind of change in our behavior and thinking towards grief. How do we know and what do they mean? Others who have experienced bereavement loss have spoken to us that the first few years are the hardest, but then after that things will start to become easier. They told us these things to help comfort us, in their own way through what they know.

In our Yup’ik culture, when elders speak to us, the older we ourselves are, the more open and accepting we seem to be to their wisdom and knowledge. We have the ages of our years upon us to help us understand.

I cannot think of a single person, a person who has lost someone they love dearly, that decided that one day they were going to stop grieving. As hard as I can think of how to do that, it does not seem possible. It is not possible. There is no way on earth to ever stop. If there was, then everyone would be doing it.

Instead of saying give in or letting go, what can we say? Accepting it or acceptance may be the word of the emotional state of mind that would most closely fit the meaning of what we are trying to say. To accept this new future without the one you love, need, want – the one that you are so used to having in your life. The thought of any future without them is still too hard to bear, it touches that tender nerve that makes your heart feel pain like no other pain. It feels like someone knocks the wind out of you.

Every day every moment our ears are attuned to all the sounds and noises in hopes that we will hear your voice. And we do hear it at times, mostly when someone is laughing, which is what you loved to do. That giggle of yours in your own sweet special way. Our senses are at a sharper level to hear, feel, see, sense anything that reminds us of you.

The other day we heard you laughing and it made us happy, and waves of missing you washed over us a million trillion times.

And we look, we seek with our eyes anything that means something to us in thoughts of you. Sometimes we will see a person who looks like you. Sometimes they will be walking ahead of us and we can’t help but think those thoughts.

Do you ever do that too? It is what grief does to a person. Maybe it is just us, but maybe somewhere out there someone understands and does these same exact things.

Thank you for letting us share our thoughts through the words on this page, when we attempt to put our thoughts into writing and hope that you can feel the love we have for our dear one. Quyana, prayers for us all.