Thoughts of our loved one

photo by Greg Lincoln

by Greg Lincoln

It has been hard to find sleep these days and when it is found, it only seems like a brief moment, not quite enough to feel well rested and ready to take on the day’s tasks. Every night when sleep does not come in the wee hours of the morning I think of our beloved, wishing that she was here with us.

But we do know that we feel her love each day, she lives in our hearts and in our thoughts, she is always with us because she was created by us. What an amazing thing it is to love someone so fully and completely.

During the day we see some of her friends and think of how they are doing, how they are dealing with this loss for I know they feel it too. Sometimes we will see someone that reminds us of her and our hearts become overwhelmed with yearning.

Time after time, I look at your beautiful face in the photos that we shared and took together while you were still on this earth. Your lovely smile, your pretty eyes, and the way you laugh in the videos that you made make missing you so hard to bear. Thoughts of you fill my mind each passing moment and I wonder how it will be like to see you again.

Usually when we want something so bad we go after it. All of our energy is put forth to achieving our dreams, our wants, to be successful in all that we do. But this has been a tough one. It takes all of our strength to try to understand, to make sense of something that does not make sense, and to strive to continue forth on this path that we did not chose.

This grief of bereavement that surrounds us is not one emotion but a mix of many difficult unpleasant feelings. We have felt hurting pain, the deepest sadness, remorse, regret, longing, wanting, the list goes on. We have expressed our grief and it is justifiable to do that. Holding it in puts more pressure upon the fragile dam that holds back the flood.

When a flood breaks through a dam, it destroys everything in its path. The surge does not last though, it diminishes and then slowly goes away. What is left behind is a swath of chaos and destruction. And then comes the rebuilding. Quyana to you, our friends and loved ones, you who are closer than a brother and sister to us. Thank you for helping us to rebuild the dam and for bringing order back to the chaos and fixing what was broken so many times that we may find the strength to do the work that we must do until the next flood comes.

This past week I took one step forward. A friend of mine helped me tremendously by giving me a message of peace and hope. His message was a blessing, it gave me encouragement, a happiness that I have not felt since before that fateful day when our lives were changed forever. Friend, thank you for being there to give me this note, this little piece of hope.

As we part again for another week, please think and pray for those who are not able to take care of themselves, who are lost in their grief and need help. Quyana.