by Dr. Bradbury
Question: I live next door to a woman who I think is passive-aggressive. She knows I don’t like shoveling snow so comes out and says, “A lot of snow, huh.” I responded, “Yes there is a lot of snow.” This person is a longtime friend of mine. I want to continue to respond and not react. It hurts me that she would taunt me this way. I don’t know how, or what words to say, to call her in this kind of behavior.
Answer: I’m not quite sure where to begin to try and respond to your dilemma. I guess I can’t quite see how a statement like, “A lot of snow, huh” could be considered passive aggressive. I would be less concerned about her being passive-aggressive than I would be about your insecurity.
Passive-aggressive behavior is defined as behavior that is indirectly displays an unconscious aggressive motive. For example, passive-aggressive behavior can appear in the form of resistance to another person’s requests by procrastinating, expressing sullenness, or acting stubbornly. I don’t see any that in her simple statement about snow.
I get the impression that the problem is not your neighbor, but the neighbor of your mind. In other words, you are adding meaning to the words your neighbor said that was never intended. Give the benefit of the doubt and believe your neighbor would never do anything to discount you in any way. It’s a better way to live.
Lorin L. Bradbury, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Bethel. For appointments, he can be reached at 543-3266. If you have questions that you would like Dr. Bradbury to answer in the Delta Discovery, please send them to The Delta Discovery, P.O. Box 1028, Bethel, AK 99559, or e-mail them to [email protected].
