by Greg Lincoln
Every person is gifted with something that they like to do. Whatever it is that you like to do can be equivalent to treatment for grief. We must be active participants in our chosen methods of therapy. Some like to create art or do crafts. When you are creating art and you like what you are doing, your mind shifts into a different level of cognizance, like you are in a distinctly separate zone. When you are in this zone, your mind seems to go into another level of thinking, planning, analyzing, and examining.
Sometimes during these times we talk to ourselves, have you done this before?
Your art, while you are creating it, develops into what you want it to be or what you want it to look like. You see it materializing before your eyes and your mind is deciding if it likes it or not. You are your own critic of your art. The more you like what you are creating, the more accomplished you feel.
How long you can sustain being in this zone is different for everyone. Thinking about art and creating art makes you want to drop everything and go do it, you even make plans on what to make next. After working on your art or crafting, there is a feeling almost like relaxation. It is a nice calm feeling, almost a tired kind of feeling. Not a bad tired feeling, but a good one.
You, if you are travailing in anguish from loss or another kind of trauma, are the one who will decide when to start your therapy, whatever it is that you have chosen. There are so many factors as to when and how this may come about and even the slightest hint of interest that you may show in a former activity that you once enjoyed is a great leap towards a place that is away from the place of your pain.
It all comes back to choice. If you are sad, you probably don’t feel like doing anything, and nothing in the world matters one single bit. We have been there and you may have also. Sometimes we go find ourselves going back to that place because it is always there, waiting for us. But if you are sad, you can make a choice – do nothing and still harbor your suffering, or you can do something, anything, and still grieve and grieve as long as you need to, even while you are doing stuff.
When a person loses a child, a child of any age – it does not seem to matter, it is very important to care for the parents, especially the mother. When you look at a family who is in the depths of sorrow, we may see them as strong on the outside, but in reality inside they need strength. When they smile, just think that inside they are sobbing. They may walk among us, and talk, and look okay, but they are not. A part of them has gone away, and all we can do is gently, persistently, and attentively try to help them in any way we can.
There are those who try to cover up their grief with unhealthy substance abuse. If you are doing that, stop. There are better, more substantial, and more wholesome ways to manage your deep suffering and overwhelming longing.
There are some of you who have a natural passion for caring for the bereaved, thank you for your kind service and for helping bear this weight upon weight, load upon load, burden upon burden. Even just today we have seen you, your kind faces full of concern and love, your eyes full of understanding and compassion. You are our inspiration, quyana.