by Peter Twitchell
Historian Will Durant said, “To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.” What we say, what we think and what we do should all be in sync. When we tell our children, our spouse and those we really care about, “I love you,” we feel a deep sense of caring, love, respect and honor. We want to share with them all that is good, and we do all that we can to make them feel loved.
This is genuine and true, and so far, our body, mind, heart and soul are in harmony. The pendulum in every area of our being is swinging in time with each other – nothing is out of whack.
You might look at it as if every organ of our body had a pendulum, and they’re all swinging together in rhythm. No stress. We are wholesome in the whole of our being.
Whenever we say one thing and feel the opposite, or do something contrary to what we say or feel, we are not balanced. True serenity eludes us when we are dishonest and “two-faced”, an expression I’ve heard before.
In recovery, we practice working on any resentments we may harbor against others. We admit to having them, take ownership of our ill feelings, and talk about letting them go and accepting people for who they are. Holding on to resentments and suppressing feelings poisons us.
All of us at one time backstabbed, gossiping about people behind their backs. There is no one out there who hasn’t done it, with the exception of kids. When we came out of the chute, we were perfect juicy little things. Somewhere along the way we picked up some emotional and physical garbage. Our characters became flawed. We learned to judge others, condemned those who weren’t the same, hid behind masks of pretense – and the painful ugliness began.
To begin healing we need to become detectives of sorts. We need to go back and identify the problem and what caused it. We need to dump the garbage, and then forgiveness needs to be honored. We must forgive and honor each other, and practice and keep exercising this trait. As you do it, becoming healthy becomes a habit.