by Peter Twitchell
When I hear the word, “junk,” I think of things like trash and useless things. I remember talking to my cousin Joe and we talked about holding grudges, resentments, and hatred towards people and he said, “useless junk.”
If someone wronged you or took advantage of you in some way, you probably feel justified holding some negative feelings about that person. Wrong! We’re not justified no matter how much we desire to be. Two wrongs don’t make a right. This is what we call ‘useless junk’ because what good does it do anyone to hold grudges toward another individual, it certainly doesn’t help you or them one iota.
We say to ourselves or tell others that “so and so” makes me angry. The truth is, we make ourselves angry. Anger is an emotion only we can feel. I cannot cast an emotion like anger on someone else. I’d have to be a wicked shaman to do that. When you hate someone and backstab them you’re not hurting them although you may want to at times. The only person harmed is you.
Resentments and anger can kill your peaceful and happy spirit in a heartbeat. So I ask myself, why do I want to hold on to this “useless junk?” We cause ourselves greater pain by blaming others for our anger. Anger is just a symptom of the real cause of our problem, and it is our problem.
For example, I recall talking to someone who blamed a certain individual on the performance of their fiddle band. “It was so and so who made us sound bad,” he said.
When I look at the situation objectively, I see a different picture. First of all, the leader of the band was late getting to the gig. There probably wasn’t any rehearsal time for the entire band. The member who is being blamed is new to the band and only a fill-in. The styles of playing are different. He is a professional musician as far as I’m concerned, and writes his own material. He has certainly been in top notch groups in the past.
When the band finally got started, they had 3-4 minute breaks in between songs, which tells me they were not rehearsed. The band was just thrown together at the last minute, and so it appeared. So who was getting all the blame for the last year, all 365 days? This individual blamed the out of towner who sat in with them. It wasn’t 100% his fault the band sounded so unrehearsed.
It’s our own pain that we blame others for as if they inflict it upon us day after day, week after week, month after month and sometimes year after year. Sometimes our pain may last a lifetime. This is unfortunate because it takes away from our quality of life. Someone may have hurt us in some way in our lifetime, but I’m not going to hold it against that person(s). It’s how I choose to handle what someone says or does that makes a great difference in the end. Remember that ole adage: “sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words never,” unless I hang on to them, like useless junk.