The season of remembrance

photo by Greg Lincoln

by Greg Lincoln

With the changing season comes reminders, small cues that trigger memory, those vast annals of things of the past. The air, the way the grass is colored, the way the sun and wind feel on our faces, the scent of the ground and wet tundra – all these things remind us of that day, that fateful day when our world came crashing down on us and every single thing ceased to matter. The fall season reminds us. Every subtle but noticeable trace or similarity to that day brings back floods of the anguish and helplessness of that trauma.
We swallow it down, but it stays in our stomach and it feels like a slow-releasing agent of something that cuts into our whole being deep down, until we are ready to deal with it which could take some time. What is that chemical reaction in our gut that spreads to our heart and floods our extremities with that feeling that knocks you down?
You’re down for the count, but you always get back up.
When you’re walking around with that kind of pain in your stomach, you will need to let it out sooner or later because it will affect how you make decisions and your work.
The way we remember these kinds of things are different for each and every one of us, but all things happen during some season. For us it is autumn, fall-time. For others, it may be a different season.
People who have experienced extreme trauma have different response reactions to unpleasant triggers, such as something as simple as the phone ringing. It makes you not want to answer the phone. Have you ever felt that way? You are not alone. If you know someone who is afraid whenever the phone rings, give them gentle kindness, sensitivity and consideration, and care to help dispel those frightful thoughts. Perfect love drives out fear as we have learned and know.
After a year, you will know what triggers your grief, the grief that is uniquely yours. And you will be able to cope. But how? By doing what you always have been doing. Don’t fall into that pit of despondency even if that is all that you want to do. Fight that battle in your mind, reason with it and lean on the side of wisdom.
When everything ceased to matter at that awful moment, we came to realize that one thing, one incredible tremendous thing did matter and that was those others, our loved ones, who depend on us. What a powerful pull it is, that love for them and the love they have for you that yanks you out of rock bottom and stands you up, holds you, and gives you strength to go on. When I think about it, I am amazed. It is one of those astounding things.
There is a cure for fatigue and that is rest. There is a cure for homesickness, and that is to go home. But for grief there is no cure, it just becomes a part of who you are.
We still see our daughter in familiar places. She is everywhere to us. Quyana for your prayers, the gifts of moosemeat, and the gift of your company when you spend time with us. Prayers for those who are suffering from bereavement and grief, thank you so much.