The company of friends

photo by Greg Lincoln

by Greg Lincoln

Each spring we look forward to the Native Youth Olympics games and this past weekend we attended the State NYO games in Anchorage where we saw many of our great student athletes do their best at their events. Your children from our area teams did great, they made us so proud. They were all very respectful with great attitudes. Some even shook our hands as they came and sat with us to chat about this and that, telling us what they were up to. Such great kids, they were a joy to be around.
We also saw our friends and relatives and we enjoyed their company. Seeing everyone and being immersed in the games, the excitement of being in the arena, hearing the quiet hush of intense focus and the applause, and the encouragement was all positive and a nice environment to be in, quyana. It was a good weekend.
Being there, as most places, reminded us of our loved one. She loved participating in high school sports and we always enjoyed attending her events including NYO. Feelings of nostalgia were everpresent. We also met some of her friends from high school who remembered her and her great kindness and friendship. She was always so nice, they said. It made our pain-tinged hearts melt with happiness and great longing.
Thank you Hugs for always being a friend. Your friends love you so much!
Last week we talked a little about complicated grief. This is grief that you cannot or do not want to let go of because something is interfering or complicating your healing. These things may be issues that you cannot stop thinking about surrounding the loss of your loved one that eat away at your mind. For some who are suffering from complicated grief – be it from many years ago or this year, it feels like healing will never come but we should never say never. For some it may feel like it will take a very long time, maybe even the whole rest of our lives.
Time. Time can be a healer but with complicated grief, time may not matter. This grief holds on so tightly because you are so deeply in pain and your heart is so broken for wanting and missing your loved one. Nothing on earth can help and you just keep on grieving. For some, the only thing that can help is divine, a word from above, a sign.
Trust is one thing that we need to build on in our bereaved lives. And faith, and hope.
With complicated grief, it is like an infection that never goes away, does not get better, festering just under the surface unseen. As unfathomable as it may seem, there is treatment for complicated grief. I don’t know what that is yet, but I soon hope to.
Bereavement grief can be helped with the support of friends and loved ones. We remember being surrounded with love and that is just what we needed. We still need it now, we need it all the time. It is not something that we stop needing or wanting.
As we go forth, let us remember and visit those who are bereaved. Your presence, your attention, your conversations are so uplifting. And plans, let’s make plans. Making plans is good, it is a good healing step. Quyana.