by Greg Lincoln
We are very blessed to live in a place where people care so much through their prayers and deeds of kindness. Thank you for lifting us up when you meditate each day in the quiet solace of your prayertime. Quyana cakneq.
The feeling of where did we go wrong can be overwhelming after losing a most precious child. As parents, we feel like it is our fault, that we should have done something, and this guilt has consumed us and we are left beaten, the losers in a fight that we cannot win.
Guilt is our enemy but to be survivors and as survivors we must overcome it.
Coping with grief is anything that you do that is helpful to you or others after the loss of a beloved child, your most precious love in all the world.
How have we coped?
For starters, getting up is coping. During those first horrible hours of extreme suffering all we could do was let out our agony until sleep would overtake us. The only place we wanted to be was at home. But we could not stay there forever, even though that is what we felt like doing at the time.
We dreaded every noise, every disturbance, the ringing of the phone in those early morning hours, but like others who have suffered this most unforeseen calamity, we are thankful to have made progress beyond that.
The avoidance of doing something, anything can result in deep depression. Do not fall in, don’t give in. Be strong, you can make it. How? By looking around you – there are so many others who have tread this path before us that have overcome. There we can find our inspiration.
The things that happen, even though we don’t want them to happen, sometimes take place. Like this road that we are treading step by step, one foot in front of the other. Although you may feel that you are alone on this path, you are not. Remember, there are countless others walking this same trail of tears as you are. When the feeling of being alone hits you, think of us, and we will think of you.
Sometimes we ask, how could our loving Father allow this to happen? Why us? No! We are helpless to reverse what has come to pass. In our helplessness and human weakness we need to find trust and keep on trusting. In our confusion and inability to understand, we must yield and have faith. With faith comes hope.
We survive by thinking of the great times we had, we laugh at the little inside jokes we played, and the beautiful memories that fill us with happiness. We bring forth these memories and we share them with each other each time they arise – so as not to forget them, to further ingrain them into our lives as canon. These canonized memories will not pass into oblivion as long as we are here on this present earth, in this life we are living.
The prayers you have said for us have been the greatest gift during these trying times. Please forgive us for not being more compassionate – we now understand! Thank you for lifting us up in your most heartfelt thoughts.
And the Lord did send my wife her dream, the dream she asked for! She held, kissed, spoke to, and looked into the eyes of our dearest departed one. She beheld her in her arms in sweet embrace and never let go in that most beautiful dream where time stood still and all was at peace. Thank you Lord!
Please think of those who are grieving with great kindheartedness. We are all capable of this most necessary feeling as you yourself have shown us. Thank you all.