
by Tad Lindley
You know that I don’t spend a lot of time on Facebook. The account “Tad Lindley” is managed primarily by my wife. But once in a while I get sucked in and start reading peoples’ posts. Sometimes I come across a post and replies like this one (not a real post).
Husband: Every time I come home from Anchorage I find other men’s T-shirts in my house.
Wife: Who’s the hussy you’re seeing in Anchorage.
Husband: You need to stop drinking and clean the house!
Wife: Buy me a mop! Or did you spend all the money at bingo again, Girlyman!
These kinds of attacks are not God’s plan for a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage looks like this:
The Proverbs 31 wife
If you grab your Bible and quickly read Proverbs 31, you’ll notice what it is most famous for is talking about the qualities of a good wife. The Proverbs 31 wife: is kind to her husband (verse 12), she sews and knits and works with skins and grass (13, 19, and 24), she travels long distances to pick berries and to harvest wild eggs and plants (14), she gets up early and makes breakfast for her family (15), she is a good money manager (16), she keeps her body strong (17), she pays her electric bill (18), she shares with those who are needy (20), she makes sure her family has good winter clothes (21), she is wise and her words are kind (26), and she keeps her house very clean and does not lay on the couch all day on her cellular phone (27).
The Proverbs 31 husband
Buried in Proverbs 31 is a verse about the husband. It is easily overshadowed since the bulk of the chapter is about wives. Here it is: Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her, “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all!” (31:28-29) The job of a Proverbs 31 husband is pretty clear: praise your wife.
But Brother Lindley, you don’t know my wife
Some of you men, your wife has given you this newspaper and told you to read this very column. And you have gotten this far, and you are thinking, “Brother Lindley, you wouldn’t write about this if you were married to my wife. There’s no way I can praise my wife. She blows my paycheck at bingo and when the money’s gone she lays around the house on Facebook reading about other people’s lives instead of living her own! And that part about other men’s T-shirts, that’s my wife, you nailed it!”
So you’ve got a cheap wife
Maybe you have a valid argument. Perhaps you picked poorly when you were looking for a wife, or maybe things started out great, but then she became mentally ill or got involved in gambling with cards or heroin or dope or some other sin and it has been a nightmare ever since. And every chance you get, you let her know what a failure she is as a wife, but she never listens and things never get better, only worse. You’ve even posted on Facebook how awful she is hoping that the shame and humiliation would help her to become a better wife. In fact maybe you were planning to tell her to read the section above titled The Proverbs 31 wife and then say, “Wife of mine, you either shape up or ship out!”
What about your wife’s husband?
If you are a married man, then you are your wife’s husband. And if you are tired of your wife and you can relate to some of the issues I have touched on, then read on, because there is a Biblical way to improve your marriage. It starts with praising your wife. For many of us, if we were to count up all the praise we give our wives and all of the complaints, we would realize there are many more complaints than there is praise. Turn that around. The Proverbs 31 husband praises his wife. He compares her with other women in areas where she excels. Read it for yourself, it’s right there in Proverbs 31:28-29. Some of you are going to find out that if you can shift the balance from cutting her down, to encouraging her and building her up with praise, that though she might not be a Proverbs 31 wife today, if you are willing to praise her in spite of it, she will begin to move that direction. You might even go on Facebook and post something like, “Lots of ladies can cut fish, but my wife excellest them all.” (Except you couldn’t post that, because it wouldn’t be true, my wife excels them all.)
Reverend Tad Lindley is a minister at the Bethel United Pentecostal Church in Bethel, Alaska.