Grief triggers

H-Marker Lake

by Greg Lincoln

I thank you dear friends for allowing us to express our deepest feelings as we mourn the loss of our beautiful daughter. Each day that comes has had its difficulties. When we look back at certain recent events, the day of our beloved’s passing has been the reference point, the date that all other dates revolve around. Did this happen before or after? What were we like then? How were we feeling? We can’t help but see it that way, it is a date that will forever haunt us.

During this journey of sadness that we are on, it is inevitable to come across reminders of our precious baby, our dear one – the airport where we had many joyous reunions and the where we launched the trips we took together, the places she loved to shop at, and her favorite places to eat. This sadness is always inside of us, even if we appear to look and act okay. We are sad because we love and miss her so much and we are sad because now we can’t do the things we want to do with her.

It only takes the tiniest grief trigger to bring back a flood of memories past, the memories related to the devastating loss that we have experienced. These triggers fill us with such emotion, that homesick feeling of yearning and wanting. This heartwrenching homesick feeling deeply affects us, there are not enough tears that we can cry.

Every single day we experience these grief triggers. Most of the time we cry silently and privately and what helps the most is a kind word or the comfort of some company when we emerge from our crying place.

When we cry, we cry to the Lord.

This grief-wracking is like a strong flood and it has to be allowed to run its course. Caring folks have told us to give in to our grief and let it out as often as we need to. Bereaved mothers have told us that to keep it in will make us sick. Knowing dads have told us not to keep it in, that if we did, it would turn into anger.

Sometimes our minds wander. We want more memories, more time, to be able to live our whole lives with her in it. How wonderful life was when we were all together.

The pain of her passing and the realization that she is not with us bears down on our lives. It affects the decisions that we make, what we do each day. Do we avoid these places that we used to go to, these reminders of her precious being and her time with us, the things that make memories flood back afresh? No, we cannot and we must not. It is better to always say her name as we remember the wonderful times that we spent with her. We thank God for her life, for letting us be her parents and family, and for being who we are together.

Sometimes she visits us in our dreams. Those beautiful moments are like glimpses of what our everyday lives were like when she was in her earthly body. Sometimes she is a little baby, other times she is grown. We talk and it is just like how we used to be. Oh how sweet it is to dream of her.

Every day that we live is an accomplishment. Thank you for standing by us as we go forth. It is the only path that we must take because it brings us closer to the day when we will all be together again. And that gives us hope.

Please remember those who are sad and bereaved – newly bereaved or long bereaved, the pain is still the same that we have to bear. With the Christmas season, we wish you all the love for a blessed Christmas.

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